Babysitting: not for the WeakHearted or GW Pilots
by gatogirl1
Summary: In the midst of a mission, Heero and Duo find themselves undertaking an unscheduled mission. Too bad the doctors never gave them babysitting lessons...Discontinued until further notice.
1. Default Chapter

Happy Birthday and Feliz Cumpleaños to Starhopper-chan! Since I'm so terrible at presents, here's your birthday fic. My apologies that I didn't get the first chapter up until today and yes I do remember your birthday was Friday, but my dad got home that evening from his long rock-climbing excursion and we laughed at all his pictures from his digital camera all night. Gomen and lo siento.  
  
But the point, or shall I say the inspiration for this fic comes mainly from my own dealings with the little monsters. (I say this lovingly) I thought it would be fun to turn my own experiences and troubles into a fic and see how the GW characters would react in the same situations. I've even added direct quotes from kids I've babysat, just for the fun of it. Kids really do say the oddest things...  
  
Yosh.  
  
**Babysitting is not for the Weak-Hearted...or Gundam Pilots?**

_By gatogirl1_   
  
Chapter One: In which Heero and Duo carry out a mission

--  
  
"You're not just the songleader...you're The Evil Songleader!"-Garrett & Owen

--  
  
Heero ran silently through the dark hallways of their latest OZ target. Streamlined in his usual spandex, he made not a sound as he dashed through the maze, counting off the number of side corridors that corresponded with his mental map he'd poured over for hours in prepping for this mission. 'Five...six...seven...there it was! Eight.' Not losing a stride, Heero darted down a hallway that looked no different than the others he'd dashed by. But he didn't need, nor have the time to second-guess himself; he needed to hurry if he was going to make it before the alarm system went off.  
  
Along with the corridor tally, he also had his mental clock ticking away the seconds far more quickly than he would have liked. His and Duo's hours of preparation hadn't taken into account the two idiot guards who'd cut duty for a few minutes head start on a smoking break. The two men had stared dumbly at the two boys. Duo had been kneeling in front of the so- called "secret" base's outside door handle with his lock picks at work. Heero's hands were both occupied in holding one unconscious guard's hand in an identification box while also keeping two fingers pinched on the distended wire to disable the retinal scan. They'd spent a lot of time figuring how to get through the high security door without setting off the alarm when the two bozos had nearly wasted all their efforts.  
  
One of the guards had immediately attacked, drawing out a gun and nightstick, while the other had turned tail and gone shouting for help. With a curse, Duo had clicked the lock open, then thrown up an arm to block the oncoming blow. Heero had dropped his unconscious burden once the door slid open silently but gone after the escapee instead of entering. And while it had only taken them a moment or two to take care of the two men and dispose of them in the surrounding forestry, it had been a few precious minutes off their clock.  
  
The opening of the door deactivated the extensive alarm system that lay behind it- the latest in heat sensors, touch sensors, noise sensors, and countless others that were just as at home in a Mission Impossible movie as in this OZ base tucked away in a corner of the forest. Normally, anyone entering through this door had three minutes and 45 seconds to enter and tap in a code into the touch pad a ways down the hallway, or exit the hallway and enter one of the connecting rooms. If the correct code wasn't typed in during that brief amount of time or the area wasn't returned to it's empty and undisturbed state, the buildings alarms would all go off and the entire place go into lockdown.  
  
All in all, it was one of OZ's best systems of protection to date.  
  
'Too bad it wasn't keeping Duo or himself out,' Heero couldn't help but smirk as he slipped through the unremarkable, yet important door only moments before his mental countdown terminated. 'Three...two...one,' as the door closed silently and the sensors, no longer able to detect his presence, switched back on.  
  
Rather than remaining in the doorway open to attack and detection, Heero immediately scanned the room for a defensible place and glided into it. Pulling a gun from his hidden holster, or Hammerspace as Duo had resolutely decided, he held it at the ready to take out the target of this assassination assignment. Then, gun extended, he stepped silently over to the connecting laboratory's doorway, paused, then entered the darker room.  
  
A moment later, a gunshot echoed through the room.

------

"01? Heero? Hey buddy, you there?" Duo's voice came crackling over the radio.  
  
Heero grunted across the room from where he'd set down his radio. In order to hide the body...there. With one last yank, the corpse was hidden deeply inside one of the bedroom's closets- and would hopefully not be discovered for a few days. This allowed Trowa the perfect way out from the undercover mission at this very base that he was currently out on. Heero strode across the room, snatching up his radio and barely containing a grimace. Radios this size, these handheld bulky things...just...just...so unprofessional.  
  
"What is it 02?"  
  
Static for a moment, then Duo's voice came through. "I hate to end this party earlier than planned, but you're going to need to scram." Heero's trained ear picked up the note of tension in Duo's lighthearted attitude.  
  
"What's happening?"  
  
"Well, I'm taking a tour up in the air duct system and I really think they need to get someone up here to clean more than twice a decade. Pooh! Smells like something crawled up here and died!" He broke off with a snort. "Maybe someone left the remains from an earlier assassination up here...Anyway, I was poking around in the security camera system they've got here. And boy, someone must have a strange sense of humor or taste cuz one of these cameras is focused on a bathroom..." came the laughing voice.  
  
"Duo..."  
  
"Right, um, the point being is that even though all security is seeing is the loop of video of an empty corridor, I'm now able to see everything that's going on in the hallways. And I'm seeing a few people pacing the hallways. Two of them are just passing the hallway you took..." Duo broke off, swearing.  
  
"Report." Heero's voice interrupted his partner's rant.  
  
"Crap, Heero, they took the turn down your hallway! They've left the camera's view...disappeared from my sight...must be heading towards your position! You've gotta get outa there now!"  
  
Heero turned to leave, then frowned. "But if they're coming in here and I leave out the door, they're still going to see me."  
  
"Hm...hold that thought for a second..." A scrambling noise filled the radio, before it cut off.  
  
Heero's gaze scanned over the room again, even though he'd already memorized the layout. If and when the intruders came in, what would be the best corner to ambush them from? He had to take them out before they sounded the alarm; this whole mission counted on slipping in and out without alerting the rest of the base. He was positioning himself behind a chair- still able to see anyone coming in the door, but more defensible than standing in the open middle of the room, when he heard some scuffling above. Raising his glance and nose of his gun, he realized someone was coming in through a hatch in the ceiling...only moments before a black figure dropped into the room. A black, braided figure...  
  
"Did I scare ya?" Duo quipped, quickly brushing away the ceiling shreds that clung to his priest's outfit. "I knew breaking into the air duct system would be handy. Ta da! Our escape route!" He waved Heero towards the ceiling's hole. "Now hurry! They'll be at the door at any second!"  
  
Heero strode across the room, re-holstering his gun in his spandex. Getting a leg up from Duo, he had a handhold on the trapdoor in the ceiling, when the door to the room burst open. In his surprise, Duo dropped Heero's foot, leaving him holding onto the trapdoor. As said door was hinged into the ceiling, it fell closed, dropping a slightly disconcerted Heero back into the room.  
  
The body hurtling into the room from the open door and immediately glomping onto his legs only helped to add to Heero's confusion.

--------------

Starhopper-chan: Do you want to help me name the fic? Don't really like the current name...Unless you don't mind it...And yes, I agree. How does Trowa remain undercover with that hair?? 


	2. In Which Heero and Duo are Unwillingly s...

Chapter Two: In Which Heero and Duo are Unwillingly saddled with a new Mission  
  
...

"She doesn't bite." –Tyler (seconds later we were all screaming and running for our lives)  
  
...

And to add to Heero's confusion, the shape hurtling into the room from the open door immediately glomped onto his legs.

Heero looked to Duo, a rare look of confusion to the point of helplessness tearing apart his usual stoicism. Duo shrugged, just as confused, but far more amused at the sight of the Perfect Solider being huggled by a short little kid. The boy came no higher than Heero's waist, his light cinnamon hair cut in a style that screamed military. His clothing was a small replica of a uniform, complete with OZ insignia. All things considered, Duo would have thought he was just another recruit if the kid hadn't been giving his partner the hug of a lifetime. Just as quickly though, the kid pulled away, the sudden loss of weight leaving Heero even more off balance.

"Hey, you're not Mil! What happened, she finally get sick of me and resigned?"

"Master Zehn!" The second figure Duo had seen pacing the hallways entered the room, a breathless young man who's uniform had Heero and Duo back on their guard. "You know Dr. Zwölf's assistant dislikes your insincere, overly exuberant displays of affection! And has continuously told you to..." He paused, furrowing his eyebrows as he took in the two persons his young charge had intercepted. "What are you doing in Doctor Zwölf's quarters?"

Duo could feel rather than see Heero beside him tense ever so slightly, his right arm nearly twitching as it readied to reach for the gun strapped behind him. His mind pedaled frantically- their mission depended on secrecy. The death of the scientist was supposed to go unnoticed long enough for the virus Trowa was downloading to take hold. After weeks of searching OZ restricted files, Trowa had, figuratively, found the Gundam among the scrap metal. At first glance, a base whose location was only known to a few high-clearance individuals would seem nothing out of the norm. But a second look would reveal the true significance of the place. Because of its total isolation, said base required the best computer machine since Zero in order to remain in contact with the rest of the OZ facilities. From a computer terminal, one could reach Treize's personal laptop to the outskirts of the colonies.

Duo claimed it was love at first sight, a system like this promised numerous possibilities of sabotage. Start a virus at one end with enough firewalls to keep it hidden until it managed to filter through to each and every OZ location, and then let the havoc begin! At the very least, it would allow them to easily gather any information from a base's own files. It was decided that the work of one scientist, a Doctor Zwölf, would be the target due to it being sent out to the largest number of bases and would be easiest to conceal the corruption in the original program. The scientist would have to be killed to prevent him from noticing the tampering and someone would need to infiltrate the base to place the virus into the program.

All of this would happen...and had been happening smoothly to date until the sudden arrival of the soldier and his charge. Duo's fist clenched momentarily. The plan called for...no, depended on no one discovering the death until after the virus had migrated and latched onto all its targets. Slowly, Duo's fingers slid up his sleeve, releasing the catch on the dagger up his sleeve, ready to take out the two witnesses. Knowing Heero was be ready to fire, Duo was about to throw the knife when a light bulb clicked in the soldier's eyes, nearly blinding the two pilots with its luminosity.

"Oh, you must be his two assistants he's been trying to get clearance for," the soldier spoke up, his face lit up from his breakthrough. "After I began leaving Master Zehn here for the afternoons to be watched by Zwölf's assistant Milly, her behavior became extremely erratic and highly unprofessional. One afternoon when I was delivering reports, she even screamed at the sight of me. Bloodshot eyes, insecurities...her behavior was borderline paranoid and phobic. And she came with such a high recommendation too..." His face drooped for a moment. Then perked up again. "I was 'given' the illustrious responsibility of watching the Commander's heir," he indicated the child, "until Zwölf found a replacement. And I'm so glad you're here!"

His expression of relief shifted to one of curiosity. "But you two seem to have forgotten your id badges. How did you get into Dr. Zwölf's quarters without them?"

Duo picked up on their soldier's train of thought quickly and used the excuse the soldier had practically wrapped in colored paper and bows for them. "We were sent here to meet with Dr. Zwölf, but he doesn't seem to be here now." He stated smoothly, trying to turn the soldier's attention away from the fact that the two pilots had somehow managed to get into the room unaided by id badges of their own. Mentally, he winced. 'Well, it's not quite a lie...'

Heero continued, holding out a piece of evidence to corroborate their story. "Dr. Zwölf gave us an id to allow us entrance to his quarters." Duo was amazed to see what was in Heero's hand...quite literally Zwölf's identification badge. He wanted to shake his head in amazement at Heero's forethought to grab the badge when storing the cadaver. Duo's eyes turned to the soldier's, trying to assess his reaction without betraying his own nervousness. Once again, unbidden, his fingers reached for the knife's hidden catch.

He needn't have worried. The soldier barely glanced at the id, then grinned. "Oh, that's fine then. He probably didn't want to hang around for when I dropped the brat...Master Zehn...off. He always makes it a point to be hard at work in the afternoons..."

The soldier's words were a switch, bringing the kid to action and back to the center of everyone's attention. Zehn immediately took offense, glaring charcoal blue eyes at the soldier for the improper usage of his title. Straightening his back with a haughty sniff, he all but stuck his nose in the air. "Father said no one was to disgrace me with those terms. Keep it up and I'll get you demoted." The boy turned back to the pilots, dropping the snooty air almost immediately in favor of an innocent mask that had a strangely eager light shining in his eyes. "So, you'll be waiting here until Doc comes back, right?"

The soldier was edging backwards toward the door, obviously eager to escape. "Since you're here, you might as well begin your afternoon duties of watching the kid until his father, the Commander, leaves for the day. Just keep him on the premises and you'll be fine."

"Whoa whoa, time out!" Duo eyes were wide at the thought of being stuck at the base as he approached the retreating recruit. "No one mentioned babysitting detail in our job description. We're just supposed to wait here for the doctor!"

The soldier waved a hand carelessly at the advancing pilot, his other hand desperately seeking out the door handle behind his back. "If you're waiting for Doctor Zwölf, you'll be here all afternoon with nothing to do, so you may as well mind the kid." The soldier's face was brimming with triumph as he pulled door open and managed to back into the hallway. "A word of advice: no chocolate and try to keep the little rogue away from any explosives or chemicals."

The door slammed behind the fleeing soldier.

Duo turned to give a helpless 'What now?' look to his partner, the door's closing echoing through the room.

Suddenly, the door popped open again enough to allow the soldier's head to peek back in. "And be sure to obtain your own ids once you speak with the doctor." The soldier stuck his tongue out at Zehn. "Later, brat!"

Zehn scowled at the closed door. A movement from Duo drew his eye back to the motionless pilot and his longhaired friend. "Looks like you're stuck with me," he observed, his face hovering between a smirk and an expression of pity for the two teenagers.

Duo glanced at Heero, who seemed to be going into some state of post-traumatic shock from the kid's earlier, unexpected glomping, then turned to grin down at the kid. "Guess so." Moving close to Heero, he muttered for the stock-still boy's ears only, "We can handle him for one afternoon, then steal away once he's gone." Heero's eyes caught his own, then closed in agreement.

Zehn watched the two. He hadn't caught the gist of their exchange, but knew they'd both come to some sort of conclusion. "So," Two pairs of eyes, one a hard blue and the other a joyful violet took in his own arched stormy pair. "Know any good jokes?"  
  
...

AHHH! I killed my babies!!! I was the mother of five lovely, beautiful, practically-glowing-with-healthiness-and-beauty pumpkins (calabaza-citas when I talk to them) and then two of them go off and die on me!! I'm a murderer! I have no right to grow anything anymore! I'm a failure as a mother and as a gardener! [Bursts out sobbing/wailing and in-general-throwing-a-fit]

Gundam Wing is not mine. And apparently the talent for growing pumpkins isn't mine either.

Lily Avalon: Yay! You like the fic? I liked your Trowa-face so much I invented a Duo-face

Starhopper-chan: Operation 'Gundam Wing Birthday Fic' has made it to the Second Chapter! And I finished making your Gourry shrinky-dink.

Additional thank-you's to Bunny, kitty kat 0303, RikoRishodeathangeloflight, and Griffen for reviewing and comments! Really appreciate it!


	3. In which there is Far too much Pink for ...

  
  
Chapter three: In Which there is Far too much Pink for Heero's Liking  
  
..... 

"Tickle me again!" –Katie  
  
.....

"Okay Heero," Duo held out a paper to the stern-eyed pilot. "All you need to do is read the lines I've highlighted for you. I'll handle the rest."

"Aa."

Taking the boy by the shoulders, Duo shook him lightly, ignoring the obligatory death glare that usually followed unwarranted or unnecessary touching. Lowering his voice so that the child curiously peering at them from the other room couldn't catch his words, he added, "And try to relax a little. Maybe put a little effort into the drama? If you're too uptight, the kid's going to get suspicious..."

Heero nodded, his eyes losing their 'Omae o korosu' look.

Zehn lounged back on the couch, trying not to look too interested as he waited. Suddenly, Duo leapt from the doorway into the middle of the room, clapping his hands and startling the apathetic kid. He cleared his throat dramatically, before starting.

"Once there was this little boy out selling oranges in front of a grocery store. As you may know..."

"What was the boy's name?" Zehn interrupted.

"Duo," Duo never lost a beat. "Now, as you may know, independently selling..."

"Why Duo?" Zehn arched a brow in query. "What a weird name."  
  
...

Hidden in the adjoining room, Heero let a rare smirk cross escape his control. Now the kid was in for it. His eyes, iced over from the indignities of what he was suffering, melted ever so slightly as Duo let out a cry with at least four exclamation points and then launched into a short speech about what a wonderful name 'Duo' was. The ice cracked that much more when Duo realized aloud that he'd forgotten to introduce himself to the kid.

The smirk left his lips when he realized Duo had gone into his standard greeting, "That's me in a nutshell" and all. Too late for it now; Duo had given his real name rather than giving an alias. Heero quashed his uneasiness with the situation to the corners of his mind. Now compartmentalized away, it would keep him on his guard, allowing him to remain in top form, but wouldn't occupy his mind to the point of being distracting.

The King of Distracting himself was introducing him now. "And the guy you glomped when you came in earlier was Heero." Heero's eyebrow quirked at the reminder of the occurrence. Duo knew he was listening and was insinuating that he wasn't going to forget...nor let Heero forget...this little incident any time in the near future. He wouldn't be surprised if when they returned from the mission if Wufei and the others jumped at the chance to tease the normally untease-able pilot.  
  
...

"Just Duo?" Zehn almost sounded surprised, and he continued with an intrigued light in his half-lidded eyes. "No title or rank? Most people transferred here already have established some sort of ranking for themselves."

Duo didn't attempt to answer the kid's implied question. "Even yourself? They accepted a little squirt like you in the military? I'm impressed; you must've astounded them with your abilities to, what, tie your own shoelaces?"

Zehn scowled. "I'm not a squirt! My name is Zehn Sinatra Verver, only and son and heir of Commander Verver, the man in charge of this base and your payroll. You can call me Master Zehn, or just Zehn since if you aren't military enough to remember my title. But none of this 'squirt' or 'kid' or 'short fry'!"

"Short...you mean small fry?" Duo looked down into the now fiery blazes of Zehn's eyes.

"That's exactly what I'm talking about!" Zehn pouted, his anger giving way to a sulk. "Keep it up and Mr. Verver will have you down the hall and outa here before you can say..."

"I think I get the picture," Duo grinned down at Zehn dryly. "Now, can I continue?" He gave his own miniaturized-fits-in-your-pocket version of Heero's Death Glare. "Anywho, independently selling products in front of a grocery without the store-owners permission is illegal. But little Duo stood out there nonetheless shouting out the one word he knew, 'Orangies!'" With this last word, Duo's voice lost its natural timbre, changing into a high pitched squeal to designate the speaking voice of his chibi self.

Zehn's face changed from sullen to an expression of mild interest.

"A man comes up little Duo..."

Duo paused, turning a significant look towards the doorway to the other room.

He coughed loudly, then tried again. "I SAID, 'A man comes up to little Duo...'"

No response.

"HEE-RO!" Duo called sweetly. "That's your cue!"

Heero slunk into view, still not reconciled to the idea entertaining the child.

"A man comes up to little Duo and asks him..." Duo and Zehn looked expectantly towards the Perfect Soldier.

Heero gave one last futile glare at the braided baka, before turning his scorching glare down to the script Duo had scribbled down for him. At least looking at the paper was better than watching the two, evil-on-Duo's-part Heero noted, faces blinking up at him. "What are you selling?"

Duo smiled, completely oblivious-or uncaring- about the monotone Heero had used. His face was scrunched up into a look of complete sugar and innocence. "Orangies!"

Another few degrees more and Heero's eyes would be burning a whole in the paper he was holding. "How much are they?"

Duo's face became innocently confused. He looked around at his present and imaginary audience, as if hoping they could answer the question for him. "Um, orangies?" he tried hopefully.

"No, baka." Duo snorted at Heero's use of improvisation, then returned his features into his overexaggerated look of bewilderment. "If someone asks you what you're selling, tell them 'Oranges'."

"Orangies!" Duo's face cleared of confusion and shone with his original excitement.

"Hn. Then if someone asks you how much they are, you should say, 'Two fifty-five'."

Duo's face screwed up with intense concentration. "Two...fifty...five!"

"Aa. Finally, if you are asked if you want to die from a bullet wound to the head or some other extremity say..."

"Heero! Do it right! Follow the script!"

Heero's glare was back as he rushed through his line. "Andwhensomeoneasksyouwheretheyaresay, 'Overthereinthebox'."

Somehow, Duo had understood him. "O...ver there...in...the box!"

With a grunt, Heero turned to leave room, his only thoughts on escaping this nightmarish dilemma, or at least discovering how to invent a time machine and sending himself to the end of this predicament. Duo picked up where he'd left off with the narration right away. "Soon after, a policeman approached little Duo...after all, it is illegal to sell stuff in front of a store without the permission of the storeowner." Duo turned expectantly towards where Heero had disappeared. "And so this policeman appears..."

Heero stepped back into view with a grimace, not liking the way Duo smirked with enjoyment at his suffering. "And says...?"

The taunt shoulders sagging slightly were all that gave away Heero's sigh of frustration. "What's your name?"

Duo smiled. "Orangies!"

"I'm serious. How old are you?"

"Two...fifty...five!" Duo's smile was as innocent as Quatre's.

Now came the one part Heero liked about this particular joke, and indeed, the only reason he'd agreed to act this out with Duo. "Hey kid, where're your brains?"

"O...ver there...in...the box!"  
  
...

Five minutes later, Zehn finally stopped laughing. "Again!" he demanded.  
  
...

After another six times running through the short skit, even Duo had to admit it no longer was funny anymore. Nor could he keep up his enthusiasm as he continued using his high-pitched voice for the Orangies Kid. And of course, Heero's Death Glare seemed deadlier than usual and starting to make him nervous.

"Hey Zehn," Duo began before the laughing kid could catch his breath enough to demand an encore performance. "Aren't you getting tired of this joke now? Maybe we could do something else?" His voice took on a desperate note with his last words.

"Alright," Zehn broke off his laughter and agreed to this so quickly that Duo had a sinking suspicion he'd just been suckered into something. "Tell me more jokes."

"One more." Duo looked at Heero gratefully.

"Aww..." Zehn began whining, a pout already forming on his lips. He was going to say more when he took in Heero's expression and something seemed to click in his mind. "...Fine." (A/N: This never works for me...wish I had a bottle of Heero's Death Glare...)

"Alright, now let me think of a good one..." Duo began.

To his surprise, Heero gave him the idea. "Duo, tell him...the Pink joke. I'm sure he will...enjoy it." Duo's face looked questioningly at his normally silent friend, and then the mental light bulb flicked on as what he'd suggested suddenly clicked.

"Oh yeah! The Pink Joke! The one you and Wufei loved so much..." Duo faded off into his mischievous smirk as he recalled the memory. Duo turned to face the kid who was trying his best not to appear curious. "Wufei 'loved' the joke so much, that it's the only joke I ever tell around him."

Zehn's interest doubled and he leaned forward excitedly. "Tell it, tell it!"

"Well," Duo began in his normal dramatic flair. Heero's eyes glinted with something that strangely resembled triumph.

"There was this man, say- shall we call him Heero? driving along a highway. All of a sudden, his truck's engine gives a cough and he stalls. He takes a look under the hood, but he doesn't know what to do with it." Heero snorted. After turning incredulously widened eyes on his friend-after all, how often does the Great Heero Yuy snort? Duo returned to his story. "As he's looking around in despair, he notices a house off in the distance and starts walking towards it. As he comes close, he sees it's a large house that's completely pink- pink windows, pink doors, pink paint job, pink everything."

Heero's lips twitched downwards slightly at the thought of being surrounded by so much pink, but he allowed his partner to continue.

"He goes up the pink stairs and knocks on the pink door. A minute later, he hears footsteps and the door opens. And in front of him is this Old Pink Lady. Seriously, everything about her is pink- pink hair, pink skin, pink clothes, pink everything. Getting over his surprise..."

"Revulsion," Heero coolly corrected.

Duo's eyes laughed as he continued. "...he told the elderly lady the predicament. 'My car's just broken down on the highway; I was wondering if I could call a toe truck with your telephone.' 'Why, of course!' the Pink Lady says. 'Just go down this pink hallway, take the first left and you'll find yourself at some pink stairs. Take those pink stairs down a flight and you'll find yourself in my pink kitchen. The pink telephone is next to the pink oven on the pink counter.' So Heero follows the Pink Lady's instructions; he goes down the pink hallway, takes the first left, follows the pink stairs down for a flight, and in the pink kitchen he finds the pink phone on the pink counter next to the pink oven just like the lady said."

"So, Heero makes his phone call and then heads back to the front door. He goes out of the pink kitchen, up a flight of pink stairs, takes the first right and then goes down the pink hallway to find the Pink Lady still at the front door. Heero says to the Pink Lady, 'Thank you for the use of your phone. When I called the tow truck, they said they couldn't get here until tomorrow. I was wondering if you would allow me to sleep here tonight?' 'Of course, of course,' the Pink Lady replied with a smile. 'Just go back down this pink hallway, take the second right, go up a flight of pink stairs. You'll find yourself in another pink corridor. Behind the first door on your left is another flight of pink stairs. Don't take the stairs, but just under the stairs is a pink doorway. Go through that door to find the spare pink bedroom.' So Heero goes back down the pink hallway, takes the second right, goes up the flight of pink stairs, opens the first door on his left, and enters the pink door under the pink stairs.

"He finds himself in a completely pink bedroom. Every direction he looks he sees pink- pink sheets, pink pillows, pink curtains, pink everything. He fights down-yes, his nausea," Duo emphasized with a glance at Heero. Heero's smirk reappeared. "But in the end, he lays down on the pink bed and goes to sleep. The next morning, he neatly makes the pink sheets and pink comforter, exits the pink room, goes through the pink door, heads down a flight of pink stairs, turns left down the pink hallway, takes the first right, goes down another flight of pink stairs and finds himself in the pink kitchen. By the pink stove is the Pink Lady cooking pink oatmeal. Being the gentleman he is," Duo paused to cough, which suspiciously sounded like a 'Not!' "Heero says, 'Thank you for letting me spend the night.' 'No problem!' the Pink Lady smiles at him. 'Would you like some pink oatmeal?' 'Yes, thank you.' 'Would you like some pink raisins on your pink oatmeal?' 'Yes please,' Heero replies. He eats his breakfast, the tow truck arrives and Heero leaves."

Duo took a deep breath. Heero's eyes slid over to the boy sharing the couch with him, watching for his reaction. "Later that day, there is this man Heero driving along the highway. All of a sudden, his truck's engine gives a cough and he stalls. He takes a look under the hood, but he doesn't know what to do with it. As he's looking around in despair, he notices a house off in the distance and starts walking towards it. As he comes close, he sees it's a large house that's completely pink- pink grass, pink roofing, pink siding, pink everything."

"He goes up the pink stairs and knocks on the pink door. A minute later, he hears footsteps and the door opens. And in front of him is this Old Pink Lady. Seriously, everything about her is pink- pink face, pink hands, pink dress, pink everything. Getting over his revulsion..." Heero nodded with a smirk.

"...he told the elderly lady the predicament. 'My car's just broken down on the highway; I was wondering if I could call a toe truck with your telephone.' 'Why, of course!' the Pink Lady says. 'Just go down this pink hallway, take the first left and you'll find yourself at some pink stairs. Take those pink stairs down a flight and you'll find yourself in my pink kitchen. The pink telephone is next to the pink oven on the pink counter.' So Heero follows the Pink Lady's instructions; he goes down the pink hallway, takes the first left, follows the pink stairs down for a flight, and in the pink kitchen. Everything in this kitchen is pink- pink counters, pink sink, pink mugs, pink everything. And on the pink counter next to the pink oven is the pink phone just like the Pink Lady said."

"So, Heero makes his phone call and then heads back to the front door. He goes out of the pink kitchen, up a flight of pink stairs, takes the first right and then goes down the pink hallway to find the pink lady still at the front door. Heero says to the Pink Lady, 'Thank you for the use of your phone. When I called the tow truck, they said they couldn't get here until tomorrow. I was wondering if you would allow me to sleep here tonight?' 'Of course, of course,' the Pink Lady replied with a smile. 'Just go back down this pink hallway, take the second right, go up a flight of pink stairs. You'll find yourself in another pink corridor. Behind the first door on your left is another flight of stairs. Don't take the stairs, but just under the stairs is a pink doorway. Go through that door to find the spare bedroom.' So Heero goes back down the pink hallway, takes the second right, goes up the flight of pink stairs, opens the first door on his left, and enters the pink door under the pink stairs.

"He finds himself in a completely pink bedroom. Every direction he looks he sees pink- pink dresser, pink carpet, pink comforter, pink everything. He fights down his nausea but in the end, he lays down on the pink bed and enters pink dreams. The next morning, he neatly makes the pink bed, exits the pink room, goes through the pink door, heads down a flight of pink stairs, turns left down the pink hallway, takes the first right, goes down another flight of pink stairs and finds himself in the pink kitchen. By the pink stove is the pink lady cooking pink oatmeal. Being the gentleman he is, Heero says, 'Thank you for letting me spend the night.' 'No problem!' the Pink Lady smiles at him. 'Would you like some pink oatmeal?' 'Yes, thank you.' 'Would you like some pink raisins on your pink oatmeal?' 'Yes please,' Heero replies. He eats his breakfast, the tow truck arrives and Heero leaves."

Duo was breathing deeply, trying to catch his breath. The second round through he'd sped up, kicking up dust and leaving Zehn with a starting-to-be-confused expression on his face. He took one more gulp of air, then with an evil grin, continued with his joke.

"Later that day..."  
  
........

I was working at the used bookstore today when one of the customers laughed at something I said and called me "woman". I couldn't help myself- all I could picture was Wufei with all his cliched goodness and his exclamations of "onna". Oddly enough, it really made my day. Gundam Wing has that effect on me...

I was editing through an earlier version of this, when I realized the two parties had never been introduced. Personally, I hate introductions, especially if they're anything along the lines of "Oh and by the way? My name is Barf and Ralph". Too cliché for me and in nearly every bad crossover fic I've ever read. Alas. So, I tried introducing peeps with something different. And am happy how it turned out- I got to develop Heero's character and have more insights to his thoughts than originally. He just sorta spilled over. Happiness!

Hee hee! Have shrinky dink Hee-chan, Duo-bat, Kat, and Tro. Just gotta get one of Wuffie. Kawaii! They're all chibified in their jams...If I knew where all my reviewers (Thank you, Ashe Nightinagle, DarkAngel-Lily, and RikoRishodeathangeloflight) lived, I'd send you all one. They're so cute and fun to make! (runs away to huggle Hee-chan and pumpkins that are still dead/dying)

Lily Avalon: Aww...I feel so loved. I've been using personal experiences with kids and my own childhood bits for this fic. Hope you love your Duo-bat!  
  
Bunny: Urgh. Lo siento. I've been a nanny for the past three summers so I feel your pain, darlin'. Too often kid=brats.

Starhopper: Just wait till you see how Trowa turned out! But Duo's wing wants to fall off...methinks I'll have to remake him...  
  
Heh, heh, heh. How many of you actually read it all? (Evil grinnings) And can anyone guess how many times I used the word pink?


End file.
